As a child, I recall being very tired. I slept in the car on long trips, and I slept on the weekends between school. Most schools had fun days-but for me I was exhausted afterwards. I struggled in gym but kept up. Nursing, my career choice, fell away from me. After 10 rotations and with only 2 to go I left the OR.
No union at that time. It was just in the making. I would never have to scrub in as I would be the circulating nurse, even if I was on call. Many of my fellow nurses and doctors expressed their disbelief. My life became very hectic. I would ski but falling, water skiing but falling. I would then go and crash. However, I would be back the following week-end and start all over again I had another accident and suffered a concussion . That was the end of these curricular activities.
My next project was dogs and dog breeding. When I was showing dogs in the rink I would become exhausted. I would be forced to lie down which made it hard on everyone else. When breeding pups, my nursing skills at least came in handy. I was travelling to Ohio, New Jersey, Michigan, Virginia, New York and most of Canada, and the days and hours were long. By now I was having trigger points and started putting on Flexeril which gave me some relief. Then the pain became unbearable, knots of pain in my back, neck and legs. I took Tylenol #1, one to three at a time, and went to different pharmacies not to arouse suspicion.
During a visit with a psychiatrist I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Yes, if I find myself high I am probably doing something. Lithium has helped. Some depression medications have helped but others not. So I am receiving a double whammy of serotonin.
I have become very inactive, and have gone through many medication changes while just lying on the couch or being in bed. I wonder if it is worse with depression. Small things knock me out, like putting the dishes away, turning and lifting may lead to a knot. I have used my mother’s cane, When I use the cane, strangers will assist you which helps on a bad day. I cancel appointments all the time. It is just too hard to get ready, drive, and come home. Luckily I have a community cleaning lady and CMHA has helped with a support worker. It has been a hard go since 2005. My husband left me, and I had to put my last Labrador Retriever down. I have lost friends, my land and my house.
I have tried to commit suicide,and have been admitted 2-3 more times-so yes it has been hell. Help is there but it takes patience and time to find the right fit. I hope my story is of help. I know it has helped me realize that I have made head and I have. I have filled the page. I hope this has helped. It helped me to realize I have made headway.